This one is for all the ladies out there

A helpful guide to proper ladylike feminine womanly behavior from the good people at the The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.

We believe the Bible teaches that God means the relationship between husband and wife to portray the relationship between Christ and His church. The husband is to model the loving, sacrificial leadership of Christ, and the wife is to model the glad submission offered freely by the church.

Submission refers to a wife's divine calling to honor and affirm her husband's leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts. It is not an absolute surrender of her will. Rather, we speak of her disposition to yield to her husband's guidance and her inclination to follow his leadership.

Repeat after me: WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

In the home, Biblical headship is the husband's divine calling to take primary responsibility for Christlike leadership, protection, and provision.

Headship bears the primary responsibility for the moral design and planning in the home, but the development of that design and plan will include the wife (who may be wiser and more intelligent).

Well, at least they threw in that whole wiser and and more intelligent part. Kudos to you ladies.

Thus we believe that there is good reason to affirm the enduring validity of Paul's pattern for marriage: Let the husband, as head of the home, love and lead as Christ does the church, and let the wife affirm that loving leadership as the church honors Christ.

You hear that ladies. Men are willing to be so gracious as to let you affirm your subordinate role in the family. With friends like that...?

We would say that the teaching inappropriate for a woman is the teaching of men in settings or ways that dishonor the calling of men to bear the primary responsibility for teaching and leadership.

But I'm sure you ladies would have no trouble find teaching jobs at either a beauty academy or culinary institute.

Yet not even well-educated Priscilla, nor any other well-educated women in Ephesus, were allowed to teach men in the public assembly of the church: writing to Ephesus, Paul said, "I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man" (1 Timothy 2:12). The reason was not lack of education, but creation order.

Sorry ladies, you drew the short straw on that one. But I guess we now know which came first; the egg, not the chicken.

OK, I have to stop now. It was funny at first, but now it is just too painful to continue reading through. If you have the stomach for it, more power to you. Me? I think I've got my God given right to a foot massage coming.