Lies and the Lying Liar Who Tells Them

From the Great Dictator's speech last Thursday morning, marking the National Day of Prayer:

America is a nation of prayer. It's impossible to tell the story of our nation without telling the story of people who pray.

"Freethinkers - A History of American Secularism" by Susan Jacoby. Look into it.

The first pilgrims came to this land with a yearning for freedom. They stepped boldly onto the shores of a new world, and many of them fell to their knees to give thanks.

Thanks for smallpox which wiped out nine-tenths of the Native population. Thanks for the guns and horses which took care of the rest.

At decisive moments in our history and in quiet times around family tables, we are a people humbled and strengthened and blessed by prayer. During the darkest days of the Revolutionary War, the Continental Congress and George Washington -- I call him the first George W. -- urged citizens to pray and to give thanks and to ask for God's protection.

The real George W is spinning in his grave right now. And I can tell you this much about him, he didn't pray to get accepted in the National Guard.

More than two centuries since our first National Day of Prayer and Thanksgiving, we continue to ask for God's guidance in our own lives and in the life our nation.

What is it with this "we" crap? Oh yeah, I forgot, just like your father, you don't consider atheists to be real Americans. That's OK, we don't consider you to be a real president.

Each year, thousands of citizens write letters and send cards to the White House that mention their prayers for this nation and this office.

Big deal. I bet you more kids mail letters to Santa each Christmas. That doesn't make it real.

Prayer is a gift from Almighty God that transforms us, whether we bow our heads in solitude, or offer swift and silent prayers in times of trial. Prayer humbles us by reminding us of our place in creation.

No, science humbles us by giving us a perspective about our place in the Universe. Of course, you have to have half a brain in order to comprehend it.

Prayer strengthens us by reminding us that God loves and cares for each and every soul in His creation. And prayer blesses us by reminding us that there is a divine plan that stands above all human plans.

George, you have a direct line to Jesus, why don't you let us in on his plan? If he's not answering the phone right now, I'm sure Falwell or Dobson or Robertson would be more than happy to help you out.

In the stillness and peace of prayer we surrender our will to God's will, and we learn to serve His eternal purposes. By opening ourselves to God's priorities, our hearts are stirred and we are inspired to action -- to feed the hungry, to reach out to the poor, to bring aid to a widow or to an orphan or to the less fortunate.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't this the opening paragraph in the last tax cut you signed?

On this day, we also remember that we are a people united by our love for freedom, even when we differ in our personal beliefs. In America, we are free to profess any faith we choose, or no faith at all. What brings us together is our shared desire to answer the call to serve something greater than ourselves.

Uh George, I think your speech writers really "screwed the pooch" on this one. You see, atheists don't pray or believe in God, so if there is something that is bringing us ALL together, then it must be non-religious (i.e. greater than God). I'm sure you didn't really mean it, you probably just didn't understand the implications.

From our nation's prayerful beginnings, America has grown and prospered. Through prayer, we humbly recognize our continued dependence on divine providence.

Well, I guess it's better than dependence on cocaine.

I want to thank you all for keeping prayer a part of our national life. May God bless each one of you, and may God continue to bless our nation.

Hey, with your current approval ratings at the lowest in history, maybe he is listening after all?